We used to sing about how we get by with a little help from our friends. Just 20 years ago, “inner circle,” “acquaintances,” and “outer circle” were the way Americans described friendships.
Getting By With a Little Help From “Friends” We Never See
Today, I can arrange a year of social media coaching and, never see my coach or talk to them by phone. That used to be called a dead end. I arrange lunch dates with two ninety-year-old women of the World War II generation weeks in advance via text. We all show up as planned having made no confirmation via email, text or phone call the day before. That used to be unheard of in the life of friends. Five years ago, we planned an overseas trip with our teenage grandson and did it all via text and email. Our time was the most hours we spent together at one time since he was born. People used to call that much togetherness with a teen after such a long gap as “taking a risk.”
I know people who refer to people they have never met or spoken to as their “friends.” Americans used to call that person an “acquaintance.”
I know of business people who have no real friends outside of business dealings but refer to anyone outside of the office they speak to once a year as their “friend.” That used to be called a “business acquaintance” or an “outer circle friend.”
There are neighborhoods where no one speaks to the neighbors because they are never home, and when they are, it’s dark outside, or the hour is too late. That was unheard of in a generation past.
Think About It: It’s a Citizenship Issue for Americans
This is a citizenship issue for Americans. Who ya gonna call in an emergency? It sure isn’t Ghostbusters. What if you don’t need help in a natural disaster but the people around you are affected and need you? Would you let them use your electricity to power their electric saw to cut down tree limbs? Would you even lend them your electric saw? Do you know them more than just to see them leaving their driveway daily?
Suppose you haven’t heard the person in the next apartment open or shut their door in a few days. Do you know them at least well enough to observe their patterns and call the landlord if you think something may have happened?
What about neighbors who don’t think, look, or believe like you? Could you still set aside your differences and “love your neighbor” in a time of need? Two years ago, I stopped to help a couple of stranded women wearing hijabs out of a snowdrift. When we couldn’t finish the job, I stood in the street and flagged down a passing car for help. Mission accomplished.
Making Sure We Have Friends That “Help Us Get By”
Do you have at least one or two inner circle trusted friends you talk to, meet with, or see regularly? Is this person(s) a trusted confidante? If so, how did you build that friendship? If you say, “Over time,” that’s correct. Friendships take time—time that is a commodity in short supply. Yet, a strong nation starts with family, then friends extends to communities and cities and reaches beyond. At that point, a strong nation is built on the solid support of ties that bind, not ones that split us into petty groups with all our differences.
Friends helping friends. Neighbors helping neighbors. How can we cultivate friendships and ties that bind in a culture of division? I believe our nation will be better for even the slightest effort we make. We get by with a little help from our friends.
This is Common Sense Civics and Citizenship.🇺🇸
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